woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
