it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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