I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
