I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
