there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
