The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
