no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
