I feel great
I just peed on a car
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
