I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
