Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
