actually, I'm a sock model
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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