Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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