Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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