I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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