The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
