as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
