You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
