A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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