Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
