You smell like a Billy Joel song
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
