She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
