please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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