New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
