i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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