You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
