Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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