Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
