Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
