dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he was CRYING into my vagina
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
