A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
