I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
