Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Randomize
