Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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