If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
