You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i love accidental penises.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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