my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
