drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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