He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
