I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you would pick up someone in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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