The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
