There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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