Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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