John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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