He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
