if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
