I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
