Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
