the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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