if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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