Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
