haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
