so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
