i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
