we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
