I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
