i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
