her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
