so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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