Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
