I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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