Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
smell my finger.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
