Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
