I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
