I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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