...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
