problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
