she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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