She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We were destined to go to rehab together
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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