Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
