How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
