i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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